Surreal Estate: NYC Listings That Are Scary, Hairy, and Totally Hideous

October 28, 2015

As if New York City home prices, monthly rents and apartment sizes weren’t scary enough. Between the horrors of Airbnb, overpriced dorm-style “co-living,” super-expensive micro-apartments, and Donald Trump, it’s hard to imagine we’d need Halloween to scare ourselves silly.

But scare we do. Because of listings like these that know no season. Because sometimes real estate gets a little too real. From spookily dilapidated to eerily obscure to downright hideous, 6sqft has rounded up some of the most horrifying listings out there.

Bizarre in Brooklyn

Listing/image: Cornerstone

↑ It’s always Halloween somewhere. And that somewhere is Mill Basin. No need to even go inside this $2.2M single-family home.

Perhaps a peek inside some other neighborhood listings?

Listing/image: Cornerstone

↑ Nope.

Listing/image: 2327 East 66th Street, by Talk of the Town

↑ No.

Listing/image: Cornerstone.

↑ Don’t get up, we were just leaving.

Listing/image: 7529 Shore Road, by Jim Brocking for Jabour Realty

↑ Bay Ridge, home of the $4.58 million ’80s gym/lounge and wall-sized wood-paneled aquarium might be a close second.

Moving on to the low key and sedate neighborhood of Boerum Hill.

Listing/images: 342 Bergen Street, Christopher Brown for Century 21.

↑ Here’s 342 Bergen Street which, for $3.25 million, offers “Income Potential Or A Palate To Create Your Own Dream Living Space.” Because you’ve been dreaming about 23 rooms of stuffed animal graveyards and worrisome doll cabals. But at least there’s outdoor space… have a seat!

When Art Goes Wrong

Sometimes the most unsettling listings have the best of intentions, like the ones that feature somewhat disturbing works of art. Which, of course, is always in the eye of the beholder…

↑ Such as this $799K Park Slope FSBO at 488 3rd Street #1B.

Listing/images: 1073 Turkey Hill Road, Milan, NY by Gail Saucier for Berkshire Hathaway.

↑ Then there’s when the art even makes the other art nervous. Such as these upstate fellows.

Listing/images: 44 Montgomery Place by Louise Beasley-Spaier for Warren Lewis Sothebys.

↑ And the folks at the bottom left that are so outta there, hopefully unnoticed, in this $5M Park Slope single-family townhouse.

Listing/images: Douglas Elliman.

↑ We’re thinking Mardi Gras Buddha can protect you here at 408 Greenwich Street. But you’re on your own in the bathroom (except not nearly as much as you’d probably like).

Freaky Fixer-Uppers

Then we have the fixer-uppers, scary at first, but loaded with potential.

Listing/image: Douglas Elliman.

↑ This listing at 138 West 10th Street doesn’t mince words about this “West Village pre war one bedroom wreck…”

Listing/image: Corcoran Group.

↑ This enormous $4.5M townhouse at 689 Sackett Street in Boerum Hill has a pretty cool art studio, and history is on its side if you are.

Listing/images: Halstead.

↑ Clear warnings and caveats should definitely be heeded. This $999K Bed-Stuy fixer-upper listing warns, “Bring your contractor, architect, vision, hard hat, flash light and your broker.” (The good news: You don’t have to bring your couch!)

Listing: 36-28 Greenpoint Avenue, by Dwell Residential.

↑ Some listings are a little more misleading, such as this one for a “townhouse” in Long Island City that “was once a lovely home for a family of four.”

Paranormal and Unexplained Activity

Then there are warning signs we just kind of sense.