ATTENTION: Walk Faster or You’ll Be Banned from NYC for Five Years
Image courtesy of EV Grieve
If you’re a resident of New York, you know that this is no city for strolling. We all have places to be and we can’t be bothered trying to sidestep slow walkers—and we certainly don’t have time for niceties like “excuse me.” As such, the NYC Department of Pedestrian Etiquette has a new set of rules to keep slow pokes, sidewalk blockers and the entirely un-self-aware off the streets: “Effective April 1, 2016, all new residents and visitors to New York City [o]ver the age of 16 will be required to take a mandatory training session on Proper Etiquette for navigating the sidewalks and streets of the greater metropolitan area.”
The new law will require that all visitors take “an oral and practical exam” in order to qualify for a pedestrian permit. And those who fail the test would be refused “permission to enter the city for a period of no less than one year.”
And say someone’s got a permit to walk but repeatedly violates the NYC DPE’s rules? They’ll be slapped with a $100 fine for each penalty. Plus with a “3 Strikes You’re OUT” policy in place, a third strike would result in their banning from the city for “no less than five years.”
Some of the irksome violations detailed in the posting include:
- Blocking the sidewalk or any public area in a large group or just standing like an idiot in the middle of pedestrian traffic. Also referred to as “Clumping.”
- Weaving from side to side oblivious to busy New Yorkers Trying to get the hell around you.
- Stopping abruptly without stepping off to the side.
- Excessive arm swinging or bag swinging.
- Stopping on a bike path with a big group to take pictures of squirrels.
- Not responding when a New York Resident tells you to “Stop Blocking the Sidewalk and Get the Hell Out of the Way! You Moron !!!”
The sign, obviously a hoax, was first spotted by an East Villager who sent it into EV Grieve who then posted it on his site this morning. And though a joke, in reality we see it pairing well with another brilliant idea recently uncovered: text walking lanes.
[Via EV Grieve]
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